Page 2
What I did on my holiday
David Warner tells us what he got up to in London on a day off
Alan Tyers
06-Jul-2015
This article is a work of fiction
Awesome day of competitiveness, aggression and moustache care. Woke up pumped because Boof said the boys can have a day round London, so I've gone straight over to Buckingham Palace. I've got massive respect for the Queen, hell of a competitor. Met her once. She said, have you come far? I said I'm going to knock that hat right off your head, Your Majesty, or Queen-o as she likes to be called. People like to see that sort of verbals on the pitch. Absolute legend is Queen-o, and we all had a beer afterwards in the rooms.
So I head over to Bucks Palace but they wouldn't let me in despite me bringing my own cans and telling the yahoo at the door that I'd be more than happy to split them with Her Maj, provided she laid on the bar snacks fair dinkum.
Full postICC offers Greece €50bn bailout
Cricket body comes to rescue of European nation in dire straits
James Marsh
04-Jul-2015
This article is a work of fiction
With Greece teetering on the brink of bankruptcy, the ICC has announced it will be stumping up the estimated 50 billion euros required to bail out the impoverished nation over the next three years. In a move that has shocked financial analysts and delighted the European Union and the International Monetary Fund, the ICC said the decision was based on its policy of making "sound investments to grow the global game" as well as Chairman N Srinivasan's "deep love of stuffed vine leaves".
"Here at the ICC we believe in the notion of democracy," said a spokesman from Dubai. "So what better way to show our commitment to this ideal than by supporting the nation that came up with the concept? Also, despite popular misconceptions, back in fifth-century Athens not everyone was actually allowed to vote, giving the facade of equality while power was in reality kept firmly in the hands of the elite. This is very much what we've modelled the present ICC set-up on, to be honest, so as an expression of thanks to those ancient Greeks, we're more than happy to help out their descendants in this time of need."
Full postPaul Farbrace's Spain diary
In which the England team coach goes missing during a team-bonding mission
R Rajkumar
29-Jun-2015
This article is a work of fiction
Like a couple forced into fumbling intimacy after a hastily arranged marriage, the England squad and their new Australian coach have come together somewhere in romantic Spain for the express purpose of getting to know each other better. Except, things haven't quite panned out as expected, if the following leaked excerpts from Paul Farbrace's diary are anything to go by.
1:05pm Just arrived at our unspecified location in Spain. The venue is so secret even we don't know where we are yet, LOL. But the anonymity is nice. Lots of people here who seemingly have no idea who we are. Which marks a welcome change from the lots of people back home who have no idea who we are. I think.
Full post'I'd pay good money to hear him read 50 Shades of Grey'
Jimmy Neesham fantasises, even as those tough Aussies have issues with their pillows and Farhaan Behardien discovers the joys of home-cooked food. Twitter reveals all
Alex Bowden
26-Jun-2015
After a brief hiatus, ESPNcricinfo's Twitter round-up returns. Since our last instalment, England have happened upon some positive energy. If you want to know what positive energy looks like, it apparently looks like Kirk Edwards in this picture.
Look at Kirk! Look at him radiating positive energy!
Full postDhoni to receive anger management counselling from Anderson
India ODI captain to take help from moody England fast bowler
James Marsh
22-Jun-2015
This article is a work of fiction
Following an ugly incident in the first ODI in which he appeared to barge into young Bangladeshi debutant Mustafizur Rahman, MS Dhoni has been ordered to attend anger management sessions conducted by England bowler James Anderson.
The collision, which was so bad many Indian commentators and journalists were only able to view replays of it through one eye, occurred after the talismanic keeper attempted to scamper a quick single during the match in Dhaka. Anderson himself was involved alongside Ravi Jadeja in the notorious Pushgate saga of 2014, but has since become a reformed character, with many limited-overs batsmen across the globe and particularly those at this year's World Cup describing him as "a pussycat" and "entirely non-threatening". As such, he is seen as the perfect man to help the Indian captain prevent a repeat of last Thursday's shocking events.
Full postThe pink ball: cricket figures weigh in
The great and the good tell us if this newfangled thingummybob might work
Alan Tyers
19-Jun-2015
It is the question on everyone's lips (other than "Who are you and what have you done with the England cricket team?"). What might some of the game's biggest stars think about the prospect of night-time pink-ball Tests?
Peter Moores
"Unknown format command. Need more data. Need more data. Malfunction. Malfunction."
"Unknown format command. Need more data. Need more data. Malfunction. Malfunction."
Mitchell Johnson
"It's looking at me funny. Why is it pink? I don't like it."
Full post"It's looking at me funny. Why is it pink? I don't like it."
England to replace Delhi Daredevils in the IPL
National team the right choice to step in for underperforming side
James Marsh
16-Jun-2015
In a surprise development, Indian Premier League chief Sundar Raman today revealed Delhi Daredevils were to be kicked out of the tournament and replaced by the England ODI side.
The struggling franchise, which has finished in the bottom two of the standings in each of the last three seasons, is thought to have angered BCCI chiefs with a constant refusal to be "vibrant" and "thrusting" enough for the modern era, while Imran Tahir's celebrations were also believed to be "insufficiently enthusiastic". The present England ODI team, having been revolutionised by bold and innovative captaincy - although admittedly from the captain of New Zealand rather than their own - are seen as ideal replacements and will now take the place of Daredevils in the 2016 event.
Although initially shocked at receiving Raman's invite, England director of cricket Andrew Strauss agreed that the move was a perfect fit for all parties: "With our batting now based on the principle of 'see ball, obliterate ball', but our seam attack still about as potent as Ashok Dinda bowling with a soggy doughnut, we feel we'll be right at home in the IPL. Some of our fielding in the third game against New Zealand on Sunday also resembled Amit Mishra trying to wrestle an eel coated in baby oil, so again we really feel we can make a mark.
Full postBangladesh v India: how the teams stack up
A comparative analysis of how the two sides rank on various parameters. Featuring Narendra Modi, Anushka Sharma and tiger masks
R Rajkumar
11-Jun-2015
Well it's that time of year again, when Bangladesh play India in a home series once every 15 years or so. With the hosts coming off a relatively successful series against Pakistan, and as many as two Indian players fresh off a successful IPL campaign, expectations are running high. Here we run an eye over each team's strengths and advantages against the other:
India
1) Way more tattoos per square inch of skin than the opposition.
Full postBlatter joins ICC's Elite Panel of umpires
Departing FIFA boss promises to crack the whip on any foul play
James Marsh
08-Jun-2015
Taking time out from his tireless quest to rid the world of vol-au-vents, prawn sandwiches and footballing corruption, cuddly authority figure and soon-to-be-ex-FIFA-president Sepp Blatter today confirmed he was to be Billy Bowden's replacement on the ICC's Elite Panel of officials. Despite admitting he had "no knowledge of cricket whatsoever", Blatter said he was perfect for a new career as an international umpire because he specialised in the art of "being in a position of great power, ultimately just standing around doing very little for long periods of time".
Due to relinquish his FIFA presidency early next year, a bullish Blatter said he couldn't wait to stand in the 2016 World T20 in India, though he still remained optimistic he could get the tournament switched to Greenland. "I can't pretend it's been an easy couple of weeks," he said, speaking from ICC headquarters. "But with all this Qatar controversy, all I really want to do is just forget about allegations of financial impropriety involving a country in the Middle East. That's why I'm absolutely delighted to be here in Dubai with Mr Srinivasan. It's a complete change of scene.
"Sure, I've got my reservations about working in cricket - I've been told the lunches only last 40 minutes - but I've already started to acquaint myself with some of the skills required for my new career in umpiring. It's quite a coincidence, actually. Only the other day I saw my FIFA colleagues practising how to signal a six when the FBI burst in and pointed their guns at them. I'm pretty sure I'll soon get the hang of it."
Full post'About to pare a pair of pears'
Hunger pangs rule our latest Twitter round-up
Alex Bowden
06-Jun-2015
And you thought left-arm seamers had everything their own way these days…
However, as birds go, pigeons are less persistent than Kiwis. Success is no longer hoped for, it's expected; so unremarkable they barely even react.
Full post
Terms of Use|Privacy Policy|Your US State Privacy Rights|Children's Online Privacy Policy|Interest - Based Ads|Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information|Feedback
© 2024 ESPN Sports Media Ltd. All rights reserved