Roots, rollerskates and Miss England
Cricket meets hip-hop, Colly can still smile, and Broad drops a stunner
Will Luke
29-Jul-2008
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Up goes the coin and the call is...?
It was highly unlikely that Durham's prolonged, postponed quarter-final against Glamorgan would pass by without some sort of controversy. Poor Durham: having waited two weeks during which the ECB's lawyers pondering which team they should face (following the ousting of Yorkshire, who fielded an ineligible player), they at least were on top of their game to beat Glamorgan. The toss between Dale Benkenstein and David Hemp, however, was an exercise in exquisite farce. Benkenstein flicked the coin, and all eyes were on Hemp. Heads or tails? Which was it going to be? Neither, in fact, as Hemp stared gormlessly at the coin, rolling a few inches on the turf, before staring at Queen Elizabeth's expressionless face glooming up at him. "Call it, then," Benkenstein urged. "Oh. Heads," Hemp finally muttered. Master of ceremonies, Nasser Hussain, was every bit as flummoxed.
It was highly unlikely that Durham's prolonged, postponed quarter-final against Glamorgan would pass by without some sort of controversy. Poor Durham: having waited two weeks during which the ECB's lawyers pondering which team they should face (following the ousting of Yorkshire, who fielded an ineligible player), they at least were on top of their game to beat Glamorgan. The toss between Dale Benkenstein and David Hemp, however, was an exercise in exquisite farce. Benkenstein flicked the coin, and all eyes were on Hemp. Heads or tails? Which was it going to be? Neither, in fact, as Hemp stared gormlessly at the coin, rolling a few inches on the turf, before staring at Queen Elizabeth's expressionless face glooming up at him. "Call it, then," Benkenstein urged. "Oh. Heads," Hemp finally muttered. Master of ceremonies, Nasser Hussain, was every bit as flummoxed.
The humour of the sadist
It has been a fairly average month for Paul Collingwood. Banned for four games as England's ODI captain following his dubious delaying tactics in one of the one-dayers against New Zealand. And then omitted, at the last moment, from the Test XI to face South Africa at Headingley. Back playing for Durham in their crucial quarter-final clash, in he came with his team on 10 for 1. And his favourite band? The rather unknown "4 Games"...
It has been a fairly average month for Paul Collingwood. Banned for four games as England's ODI captain following his dubious delaying tactics in one of the one-dayers against New Zealand. And then omitted, at the last moment, from the Test XI to face South Africa at Headingley. Back playing for Durham in their crucial quarter-final clash, in he came with his team on 10 for 1. And his favourite band? The rather unknown "4 Games"...
What was he thinking?
Stuart Broad's captain, Michael Vaughan, recently labelled him the "most intelligent" bowler he had ever worked with, but he might have to reassess that judgement. It was revealed last week that Broad has dumped his 22-year-old girlfriend, Laura Coleman, a former Miss England. Laura told the Sun, that bastion of salubrious gossip, that she "was heartbroken that it didn't work out, because I really liked him". Broad, with idiotic quantities of heartlessness, sent one of his aides to answer the growling tabloid terriers. "Stuart's cricket commitments have grown rapidly," the representative said, with all the warmth of a Dalek wielding a bread knife. "It made continuing the relationship difficult."
Stuart Broad's captain, Michael Vaughan, recently labelled him the "most intelligent" bowler he had ever worked with, but he might have to reassess that judgement. It was revealed last week that Broad has dumped his 22-year-old girlfriend, Laura Coleman, a former Miss England. Laura told the Sun, that bastion of salubrious gossip, that she "was heartbroken that it didn't work out, because I really liked him". Broad, with idiotic quantities of heartlessness, sent one of his aides to answer the growling tabloid terriers. "Stuart's cricket commitments have grown rapidly," the representative said, with all the warmth of a Dalek wielding a bread knife. "It made continuing the relationship difficult."
Hippety hop
Roots Manuva is a rapper from Stockwell, London, and is currently signed to the Big Dada label. So far, so Wikipedia. But peel off the layer of hip-hop vanity and you find that his real name is a far-more-English Rodney Smith, and his latest video, "Again and Again", is all about cricket, and set in Kew in London. Sky Sports' "We Don't Like cricket, We Love It" is feeling a little outdated these days, particularly since England's ever-fluctuating fortunes render the last three words highly questionable. We're not totally sure what Roots is hip-hopping about, but we like it very much.
Roots Manuva is a rapper from Stockwell, London, and is currently signed to the Big Dada label. So far, so Wikipedia. But peel off the layer of hip-hop vanity and you find that his real name is a far-more-English Rodney Smith, and his latest video, "Again and Again", is all about cricket, and set in Kew in London. Sky Sports' "We Don't Like cricket, We Love It" is feeling a little outdated these days, particularly since England's ever-fluctuating fortunes render the last three words highly questionable. We're not totally sure what Roots is hip-hopping about, but we like it very much.
Rolling around at deep midwicket
Cricket's entrepreneurial spirit is alive and well. Twenty20 has forced its way through the birthing canal, and now India have conceived another idea: cricket on rollerskates. The idea sounds daft, and that prejudiced view would appear to be absolutely spot on. A full explanation of the farce would only serve to dampen the delicious imaginings of our own minds - Gus Fraser whirring around from fine-leg; wicketkeepers attempting a stumping only to fall flat on their faces, and so on. Instead, let's hear from one of the organisers. "Our success in the roller basketball has given us enough inspiration and confidence for the launch of a new game, roller-cricket, which is gaining wide acceptance among youngsters and schoolchildren in Kerala," said Jomon Jacob, a coach and "chief architect" of the game. To help the idea become a runaway success, in a manner of speaking, the Roller Cricket Federation of India has been formed. Let us all hope and pray Lalit Modi or Allen Stanford don't hear of it all.
Cricket's entrepreneurial spirit is alive and well. Twenty20 has forced its way through the birthing canal, and now India have conceived another idea: cricket on rollerskates. The idea sounds daft, and that prejudiced view would appear to be absolutely spot on. A full explanation of the farce would only serve to dampen the delicious imaginings of our own minds - Gus Fraser whirring around from fine-leg; wicketkeepers attempting a stumping only to fall flat on their faces, and so on. Instead, let's hear from one of the organisers. "Our success in the roller basketball has given us enough inspiration and confidence for the launch of a new game, roller-cricket, which is gaining wide acceptance among youngsters and schoolchildren in Kerala," said Jomon Jacob, a coach and "chief architect" of the game. To help the idea become a runaway success, in a manner of speaking, the Roller Cricket Federation of India has been formed. Let us all hope and pray Lalit Modi or Allen Stanford don't hear of it all.
Embarrassing throw of the week
What made Twenty20 Finals day so compelling was the standard of cricket. In both semi-finals and the final there were moments of magic from each side and only the occasional clanger in the field. Maurice Chambers dropped a howler at long-off for Essex, but the moment of the week came from Dawid Malan, Middlesex's prodigiously talented left-hander, who almost threw away the game for his side. Sixteen were needed by Kent off the last over, and Malan swooped at third man, expecting to limit the batsman to just a single. The throw was wild, woolly, and propelled with such force that it somehow ended up at long-off, requiring a desperate scramble by his splenetic team-mates on the boundary edge. It gifted Kent three runs, but not even Malan's pressure-induced gaffe could see them across the line.
What made Twenty20 Finals day so compelling was the standard of cricket. In both semi-finals and the final there were moments of magic from each side and only the occasional clanger in the field. Maurice Chambers dropped a howler at long-off for Essex, but the moment of the week came from Dawid Malan, Middlesex's prodigiously talented left-hander, who almost threw away the game for his side. Sixteen were needed by Kent off the last over, and Malan swooped at third man, expecting to limit the batsman to just a single. The throw was wild, woolly, and propelled with such force that it somehow ended up at long-off, requiring a desperate scramble by his splenetic team-mates on the boundary edge. It gifted Kent three runs, but not even Malan's pressure-induced gaffe could see them across the line.
Headlines of the Week
"Pura class halts Indian charge"
The Press Association hasn't quite recovered from the Australian domestic competition's change of name, as their headline about Malinda Warnapura's hundred against India in Colombo shows
"Pura class halts Indian charge"
The Press Association hasn't quite recovered from the Australian domestic competition's change of name, as their headline about Malinda Warnapura's hundred against India in Colombo shows
"Vaughan the prawn is battered"
The Sun questions Michael Vaughan's form after he failed with the bat against South Africa
The Sun questions Michael Vaughan's form after he failed with the bat against South Africa
Will Luke is a staff writer at Cricinfo