Martyn, Monopoly and mall rats

Caught out ... then dropped Sympathy, please, for Lou Vincent who's not just had a woeful week but a fortnight to forget. First off he was caught with his pants down (see opposite), then he was stung by another revelation of an entirely different nature. John Bracewell, New Zealand's coach, says that he dropped Vincent from the squad because of his reluctance to open the innings, leaving Vincent to admit: "I'm finding it hard to [laugh] right now."

Bit of a pane Also smarting is Essex opener Will Jefferson, who joins the freak injury club - alongside Derek Pringle (writing a letter) and Mark Butcher (lifting a cardboard box) - after damaging tendons in his left wrist in an accident at home. Jefferson was trying to push open his bathroom window when his hand went through the glass, cutting his wrist and severing 70 per cent of the tendon to leave him in doubt for the start of the season. It's one way to get out of pre-season training - but he will also miss the club's winter warmer in South Africa.

Death of the Supersub Farewell, so long. Pakistan and Sri Lanka have followed the recent example of South Africa and Australia in consigning the Supersub to the dustbin of rubbish cricketing innovations, alongside the aluminium bat and Richie Benaud's 1992 World Cup rain-rule (sorry, Richie).

George 1 John 0 John Howard proved himself less game for a laugh than fellow bigwig George Bush on their respective visits to the subcontinent. While the Australian premier, a self-confessed cricket tragic, could trump his American counterpart in the anorak stakes, when it came to action it was Bush who last week put his money where his mouth was and had a go at cricket in Pakistan. Presented with a similar chance in India, Howard declined. Actually, on reflection, perhaps this was a wise choice, given how he bowls. Mind those pies.

In the name of Martyn love Australia's selectors move in mysterious ways. Take poor Damien Martyn, for a start. The ageing shot-star was all geared up to see ageing rock-stars U2 in concert when, suddenly, his beautiful day was interrupted by a call to the Test squad to face South Africa. Fellow write-off Mike Kasprowicz heard that he was des-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-red by the panel, too, but given their combined age - a geriatric 68 - this can only be a stopgap solution. Seems like the selectors still haven't found what they're looking for. [Enough tenuous puns - Ed]

Captain anonymous More bafflement from Down Under where officials from Tasmania can't understand why the Ashes urn - which has been given its own tour of Australia - hasn't been scheduled to have a celebrity stop-off in their state. So far, so fair enough. But Tasmania do seem to have one devil of a chip on their shoulders about being the little state that cricket forgot. "Look, sooner rather than later, we'd like to see a Tasmanian in the national team," said Tim Coyle, the state coach, on their new batting hope, Travis Birt. Admittedly, Ricky Ponting doesn't get home much these days, but all the same ...

Hit for six - ouch Sourav Ganguly's not having the best of times at the moment, poor chap, so off he slunk to domestic cricket to lick his gaping Chappell wounds. But, my, how the salt was poured in. Ganguly rocked up to bowl the final over for East Zone and had things pretty much sewn up by the last ball, with Central Zone needing five runs to win. You guessed it. That final insult completed a pretty average match for Ganguly, who had earlier patted a 43-ball 17. How the mighty are fallen.

Pakistan Twenty20 These matches are usually known for being hit-and-giggle jolly affairs. Not so in a match in Pakistan at the weekend where the crowd pelted players with bottles and stones. Some spectators at the game between Faisalabad Wolves and Sialkot Stallions even broke down the fencing and invaded the outfield, while others started fires. The evening match eventually finished at 2.30am.

A Monopoly for New Road? Now, don't all rush out to the shops too quickly, but plans are afoot for a special Worcester-based edition of Monopoly. The news has certainly enlivened the pre-season for those good folk at New Road, who have launched a campaign to ensure that the county ground gets a decent look-in (email worc@winningmoves.co.uk, in case you're interested). But honestly, what realistic competition can the city provide? According to a quick Google search, the lack of entertainment on offer has, in fact, inspired the title for one of the shortest books ever written.

Mall-rats Talking of pre-season campaigns, Nottinghamshire's players appear to be in for a bit of a ... err ... mall-ing. When they were excitedly inking their names on to their shiny new county contracts, it's a fair bet that the squad members didn't envisage hanging around a shopping centre for four whole days. But, oh dear, that's just what they're going to do. The players' task, at the city's Victoria Centre complex, is to "talk to shoppers and raise the profile of Trent Bridge." Lucky old boys. Still, can't be much worse than a four-day Championship fixture across the border at Derby, eh.

By George, Freddie signs for Asda While his England team-mate Simon Jones gets the glamour gig of being the face of Jaeger, darling, Andrew Flintoff has been drafted in to front the clothing range for George at Asda. Love it. According to the press release, Freddie's role will be to 'usher in the new slogan "More For You For Less"'. Whatever. But what is actually interesting, not to say staggering, is that Asda are going to bother to spend £80million on this marketing campaign. £80million?! Why?!