The Week That Was

Christmas Waugh tale, Boycs and Shoaib (again)

We take a look at the week that was ... Steve Waugh's publishing problems, Mark Nicholas's reprieve, Tino Best and Shoaib Akhtar's professionalism, and a pitch with too big a slope

Every Sunday, we take a look at the week that was ...


Steve Waugh at the launch of his book © Getty Images
Cart before the horse Cricketers who haven't written a book aimed at the Christmas market are as rare as a Shoaib Akhtar net session, and the bigger named "authors" cash in with pre-publication newspaper serialisations. Only trouble for Steve Waugh, whose Out of My Comfort Zone came out last week, was that a cock-up meant the book was distributed three days before the syndicated serialisation. The newspaper are refusing to pay the Aus$30,000 agreed on, arguing that Penguin had spoiled the exclusivity aspect of the deal. Waugh shouldn't lose too much sleep. He still pockets a reputed Aus$1.3 million advance for the right to publish the memoir.
Admirable honesty Part One Jason Gillespie suffered a wretched tour of England - his three wickets cost 100 each - but didn't try to make excuses when asked this week what happened. "It was a mixture of bad bowling, good shots and arse." Good old-fashioned Australian bluntness.
Admirable honesty Part Two The ICC's otherwise admirable Intercontinental Cup, the first-class tournament for countries just under Test status - which was won by Ireland - had been bedevilled by a bonus points system that makes that used by the Eurovision Song Contest seem child's play. But in a rare moment of candidness, the ICC website admitted that the scoring system was "harder to fathom than Sudoku". Expect some changes ahead of the 2006 competition.
Professionalism with a capital P Tino Best's antics the day before West Indies' tour opener must have underlined to Bennett King, the coach, what a battle he has to instill much-needed professionalism in the side. Best started a training session by falling over trying to kick a football and was sent back to the dressing-room to put on correct footwear. Rather than returning at double speed, he was spied larking around and posing for a newspaper photographer. King's patience finally snapped when repeated instructions to Best to run rather than amble were ignored. King gave him a few home truths and sent him back to the pavilion. "He didn't want to run over to practice so I told him he could run back to the dressing shed," King told reporters. Best showed that he suffered no ill effects. The first ball of the tour the next day was a beamer which narrowly missed Matthew Hayden's head.
Innings of the week Hayden might have put his torrid Ashes series behind him by milking some county-style pie throwing during the Super Test, but his demons returned in West Indies' tour opener against Queensland. His nine-ball duck didn't lack drama. Aside from the Best beamer, he was dropped at square leg the next over, and promptly holed out to midwicket. Earlier in the week Hayden had slammed Duncan Fletcher for making comments about the Australians, claiming that the England coach waited until the Aussies had returned home before having a go. "He's a long, long way away isn't he," he said. "We won't play [England] for another 18 months and the Australian captain will still be Ricky Ponting, and he's going to have a few more titles under his belt than England." Except the one that really matters, that is.


"Come on son, if you're hard enough" © Getty Images
Survivor It seems reports of Mark Nicholas's demise might be premature. Last week it was announced that the smooth-talking anchorman had been ditched by Australia's Channel Nine less than a month after his UK exposure ended when Channel 4's coverage bit the dust. But, in an about turn, it has now emerged that he is back in talks with Nine after fan and station owner Kerry Packer, who was not consulted over the original decision, kicked up a fuss. Insiders say a new contract is imminent. Crackerjack. But perhaps he won't be looking forward to his next meeting with Geoff Boycott - himself reinstated to the BBC after a seven-year absence - as Nicholas was quoted in the latest edition of The Wisden Cricketer South Africa as saying of Boycott: "He can be so rude to people that sometimes you just want to punch his lights out."
A season ticket at the last chance saloon There is a suspicion that Shoaib Akhtar's career might be drawing to a close sooner than expected as reports grow that his seemingly endless string of niggles, fitness issues and late nights are trying the patience of even his staunchest supporters. So you would think that he would knuckle down and shy away from publicity. Not a bit of it. Arriving back from Australia late for training, he turned on a TV station him when they said of his track record that "a dog's tail will never straighten" and fired off with threats about legal action. All this a week after the Worcestershire chairman said that "Shoaib has been no good for any club he's been at."
One to watch The game of the week for excitment and incident was in Namibia. Yes, Namibia, where Bermuda were the visitors. The two one-day matches between the sides - laughingly described as friendlies, but about as friendly as a Real Madrid-Barcelona showdown - were tarnished by accusations of racism and foul play. Gus Logie, Bermuda's coach, summoned his side from the field in the second game after his No. 10 was peppered with bouncers, and then indulged in some playground baiting, saying: "We are in the World Cup, they are not and that is their problem." Andy Waller, Namibia's coach, responded by calling the Bermudans unfit cry-babies who didn't deserve to be in the tournament anyway.
Confidence booster Given the lateness of Andrew Puttick's call-up for the South African ODI side at Cape Town on Friday, he would probably forgive the board for making him take the field in a shirt with no name. But less flattering was the comment by Haroon Lorgat, the convenor of selectors, who said that Puttick was no more than a short-term filler. "We roped in Puttick as a stop-gap replacement before we decide on the player for Sunday's match," Lorgat explained with candor but no subtlety. It was hardly surprising that with such an endorsement of his ability ringing in his ears, Puttick made a duck.
Slowing it down New Zealand's tactics of hurrying through their overs might seem to be commendable, but not to SABC, the broadcasters of the ODI series in South Africa. As another advert was prematurely cut short, commentator Mike Haysman snapped. "New Zealand are so quick we haven't even got time to fit in the 30 second advertisements," he spluttered. As the SABC sales team planned employing lackies to amble in front of the sightscreen to slow the Kiwis down until the commercial slot had run its course, viewers the world over rejoiced.
Little Englanders Spare a thought for Swan Green Cricket Club in the heart of England's New Forest. They have played at their idyllic ground for more than 100 years without incident, and last season won promotion to the Hampshire Cricket League. But league killjoys have barred them from playing in their competition, saying that the slope - the ground drops 20 feet - and the presence of five trees inside the boundary renders the venue too dangerous, and adding the outfield is bumpy. "We try to ensure that people are playing cricket in a safe way and the outfield is a danger to any cricketer," said a league official, helpfully suggesting that the club find another place to play. So it has to be assumed that the Hampshire Cricket League would also veto Lord's (slope) and Canterbury (tree) and about half the club grounds in the country (bumpy).

Martin Williamson is managing editor of Cricinfo